i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had to cum in my sink.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
