His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize