the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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