I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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