My balls are so social today.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
