I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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