youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize