Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
