im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
