the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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