wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize