can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
