people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
