The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
