Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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