I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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