oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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