today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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