I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
