Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
