when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
