I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
