let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
