I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
