Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
