I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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