The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
