A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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