One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
