Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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