Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
