I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You are the jesus of drinking
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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