he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
