I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize