just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
