Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
