Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
