Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
