Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize