I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
