honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
