Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
