Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
