omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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