apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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