he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
as a side note pls kill me
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