he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Randomize
