look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
