I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize