just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
