They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
