please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
