covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
