I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
