drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
