I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
