Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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