that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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