you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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