I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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