No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize