its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
