the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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