Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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