Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
