Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
