Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
