I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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