im six kinds of drunk right now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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