i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
