so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
