So drunk its hurt
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
