Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I believe in your delicious
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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