So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So vagazzling was a success
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
