If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
