OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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