Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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