At least make sure they are 18
Why
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
