I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize