That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
