I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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