I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Randomize
