if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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