Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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