I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
