just come out here and I will go home with you...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
