i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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