You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
