so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
