When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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