What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
