Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
