I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
