She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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