Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
