Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
