did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
