Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
