these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize