At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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