You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize