Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
