Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize