sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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