You smell like stripper and shame
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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