How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
