Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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