Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I want a musical about memes.
A bitchslap is in order.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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