Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
